SPORTS SQUIB | The Worst Super Bowl Ever?

gus jarvis

By Gus Jarvis

In the days leading up to the Super Bowl, in past years, the sense of excitement grows each and every day until kickoff. Regardless of who’s playing in the big game, I always look forward to the event that has become a national holiday.

This year is different. This year, I am looking forward to the game like I am looking forward to my next root canal.

Patriots-Seahawks? Talk about a rotten Super Bowl if there ever was one. These are two teams I simply cannot stand and they have ruined my Super Bowl holiday for 2015. Yes, there will be dark skies over Glendale, Arizona when the teams take the field and it will be proof that evil has prevailed.

As for my hatred of the Seahawks, perhaps I’m still a little butt hurt after last year’s Super Bowl romping over my beloved Denver Broncos. It hurt and it still hurts. But I truly have no problem with the way the Seahawks beat Denver. Good on them. They were the best team.

What I do have a problem with is the never-ending reminders from Seahawks fans that they actually won last year’s Super Bowl. Yes, winning the Super Bowl gives a team and its faithful fans a full year of chest banging trash talk but these fans have taken it to another level. Consider this conversation I had with a Seahawks fan in Montrose earlier this week:

“Will the Seahawks defense be able to handle Tom Brady’s offense? Can they put a hit on Rob Gronkowski?” I asked. (I didn’t really care about his answer but I asked anyway to make pleasant small talk.)

“I still can’t believe Denver’s first play was safety,” he said. “That was the perfect way to start a Super Bowl, don’t you think?”

I thought for a quick second that he was answering my question with a reference to last year’s Super Bowl. I decided to ask another, this time with a little bait.

“Think Bill Belichick will actually class it up on the sidelines this year by wearing something other than that grubby ass hoodie? I mean, it is the Super Bowl, right?”

Here came his answer.

“And then, to start the second half with a kickoff return? That was such a great Super Bowl. So much fun. I am so proud of the way the Seahawks played that day.”

I ended the conversation there. I was getting nowhere even in a pointless pleasant conversation. Just days away from the Seahawks second straight Super Bowl appearance and this guy’s still raving about the win over the Broncos nearly a year ago. Give me a break already.

Seahawks fans are just a bunch of Richard Shermans who can’t get over the fact that they’ve won a Super Bowl. The squawking never ends and that is the number one reason why I can’t stand that team right now. That, and the stupid 12th Man flag tradition. (If I were Texas A&M, I would be suing the hell out of the Seahawks right now for copyright infringement. Real football fans know where the 12th Man comes from and for you Seahawks fans, here’s a hint: it’s not Seattle.)

So enough of the Seahawks for now, although I would, at some point, like to address Pete Carroll’s history of leaving the University of Southern California’s football team in a ball of flames or the fact that he’s a 9/11 truther but we may have to save that for another time. We must move on to the Patriots.

Oh, where to begin with New England? Under most circumstances, deflating footballs in the AFC Championship game wouldn’t be too big of an issue. I mean, really? How can lower-pressure footballs affect the outcome of a game that much? And if it was any other football team caught doing this, I wouldn’t have much of an issue with it. Slap their wrist and move on.

But the Patriots getting caught pulling this shenanigan two weeks ago against the Colts is another story. It’s another story because the Patriots and their hoodie coach Bill Belichick have been caught cheating numerous times in the past.

Face it, the Patriots are cheaters. And Belichick can’t win Super Bowls without cheating.

Remember Spygate, when the Patriots were caught spying on opponents in 2007? Well, before being caught, the Pats won three Super Bowls in four years. After being caught cheating? They’ve won zero.

So now there is Deflategate and the Patriots are back in the Super Bowl. Like I said, deflating some footballs shouldn’t be a big deal but Tom Brady’s hands are soft, delicate and weak so he needed everything he could get against the Colts. (If it were me handing out punishments for Deflategate, I would suspend Tom Brady for the Super Bowl as it is akin to using a corked bat in baseball, for which baseball players are generally suspended for eight games.)

Really, though, Deflategate is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the Patriots. What is there to like when it comes to the leadership of Belichick, Josh McDaniels, Tom Brady, and Patriots owner Robert Kraft? I can’t find much to like about these men and I think they are all slimy. (I am surprised Lane Kiffin isn’t a part of this organization. He would fit right in with this bunch.)

Of that bunch, I would say I had the most respect for ol’ Bob Kraft. He seemed like a good owner. One that was good not only  for his organization, but for the entire National Football League. Since the Super Bowl hype from Arizona has gotten underway, his positive image has darkened however. Earlier this week, he stood behind the microphone demanding that the N.F.L. apologize to Tom Brady and the entire New England Patriots organization for accusing them of cheating in Deflategate. He wants the media to apologize for dampening the Patriots party in Arizona because the world now believes they are cheaters.

Apologize to Tom Brady? Apologize to the Patriots? Yeah, right. Kraft should have been apologizing to the Colts for cheating during the AFC Championship. He should be apologizing for employing the likes of Belichick and McDaniels. He should be apologizing for Belichick’s classless hoodie. Kraft should be apologizing for Brady’s whininess as well as Brady’s stupid postgame sweaters.

No, there isn’t much to like about this year’s Super Bowl except for the ever-sexy Katy Perry. I predict she will give an A+ performance that will overshadow a dismal Seahawks 9-3 victory over the Patriots in what will be a lame kickers duel.

Yay, Katy Perry!


About the Author

Gus Jarvis


Gus Jarvis is a journalist, writer, bloviator at large and co-editor of the San Juan Independent.